I Wish I Could Hate You
by Maki-sama
Summary: Anzu fights within herself over a crush. Can she deal with his lack of reponse or will she give up? Oneshot.


Author's Note:

_Remembering conversations._

Disclaimer: I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh.

* * *

_You're my crush;_ those words have run through my head for one month and twenty two days. Yes, I'm counting, but that's how long I've waited and now's the time to end my silence and pain.

I don't know when it started, but I do know it's at least been three years. How could I not like him? He's funny and sweet...well, can be, but there's a dark side to everyone. Sometimes he strikes me as selfish and uncaring, especially when someone touches his possessions.

For a year now my feelings have grown. I watched him whenever I saw him, hoping he'd notice me. We'd talk and joke, but he did the same with everyone else, too. He's always seen me as one of the guys, never a girl, that is, unless he was joking about the simple fact that I can't 'do certain things' because I'm a girl.

For a while I had been fiddling with the idea of telling him. He always wondered who my crush was and had been asking me a lot more than normal. It took the pushing of Joey and Serenity to finally get me to find the courage. Two weekends I spent trying until I finally told him.

_I didn't mean for this to happen._

_It's been around for three years now._

_You're my crush._

He stared at me.

I had no idea he would be so shocked. I figured he had known. But no, he just stared at me with those beautiful eyes.

I had been hurting before, but now it was worse; the whole fact that I had fallen for one of my good friends. Someone who said it was wrong to like someone else who is like you. I feel I have committed some forbidden act just by thinking about him this way. The pain I felt before was from suppressed feelings, but knowing that he probably doesn't feel the same, that's just heart wrenching.

I waited for a bit, upset, waiting to see if he'd talk to me or call. Nothing happened and it had been two weeks. Joey talked to him, hopefully to see what he was thinking. Maybe he was afraid to talk to me or confused on his own feelings.

Christmas passed and I never saw or heard from him. So many times he could have tried and he didn't. How much longer did I have to wait? Another 18 days. And here I am, broken-spirited that he wouldn't talk to me even though Joey suggested it to him. Hurting because all I can think about it how he must hate me. And scared, though I expect rejection, I'm scared to call him. But I need to; I deserve to know, right? He should tell me, at least out of respect. I can't handle our now awkward conversations, its nerve racking. I never wanted to break our friendship. I never meant to. I'll tell him to forget it and that I wish he would've talked to me instead of burying himself in his books. I'm sorry this happened. I'm sorry!

So after many gentle shove, I called him.

_Hi, I'm good._

_Oh, you have friends over... _this is where my face starts to fall.

_Why did I…call? Well I uh…I don't know,_ defeat, _but I do know,_ confidence? _but I don't,_ pause, _You know?_

_Well, I'll call you tomorrow. You get off at 6:30? Got it. _And I hung up.

Oh, I am such an idiot! I never should have called him, completely failed that one!

Three days pass and I had a little fight with Serenity. I'm trying to remember everything she said, but I have such a bad memory. I know she was jealous about my crush on him because that's all I ever talk about. Not that there is much going on between me and him. Of course, other than the fact that I've become a heartbroken stalker and he doesn't even notice me or care. I want to give up so badly, but I know no matter how hard I try, I won't be able to. I'm already in too deep.

Okay, this is just too long! Two months without a word!? If he really wanted to talk to me he would have by now! I guess…this means I'm rejected right? I just wish he would have talk to me.

**LALALA**

Anzu sighed and put down her notebook. A long tear escaped her eye as she glanced at a picture on her night stand.

"I guess this is it, huh?" she said to her smiling face and remembered the night that picture had been taken.

She had asked him to the dance, as friends or course, and spent the whole night waiting to see if he would ask her to dance. Finally, after she had practically given up, they were on the dance floor after dancing with a group of friends and a slow song started. Since they were already there, they hesitantly started to dance. For him, it was just a friendly dance, but to her, it was like floating on a cloud. Her friend's had run up to them with cameras, only Serenity knowing the truth behind her gentle eyes.

Anzu sighed again and picked the picture up. More tears escaped her eyes as she looked at the corsage on her wrist and their sheepish smiles. Her ice blue dress was the brightest color in the picture and her arms lay stiff on his shoulders.

"Why did this have to happen to me," she sobbed and sunk to the ground. "I want to hate you so much."

"I love you, Ryou, but why did you break my hearts?" she whispered to his picture as she took it out of its frame. "I guess this is the end."  
Anzu gently laid the picture in a drawer and cried quietly to herself as the setting sun's light diminished.

* * *

Well, that is the end. I hope you liked it, I don't normally write romance and would rather read happy endings, but this has been on my mind for a while.

So what would you do in Anzu's situation? Would you have called him to try and talk and then give up? Or do something different?  
**Please tell me your thoughts!**

-Maki-sama-


End file.
